There is one thing we make clear to all the leadership teams we coach: If the team members cannot embrace healthy conflict, they will struggle to reach the high level of performance they desire – regardless of their talents.
What Is Healthy Conflict?
Healthy conflict means:
- Speaking openly and honestly in meetings. There is a way to have discussions that are at once candid and respectful.
- Avoiding “side conversations” about the team outside of team meetings. Talking behind team members’ back erodes trust.
- Committing to the team’s decisions. Meetings are opportunities for the leaders to present their differing opinions and the team must consider all points of view. Once the team makes a decision, all members must embrace it, even if it goes against their preferred approach.
We see many executive teams struggle with these points.
Shying Away From Healthy Conflict
Why are most of us afraid to engage in conversations that might be considered “conflict”? What stops us from being honest?
Many people were taught as children that “if they don’t have something positive to say, they shouldn’t say anything at all.” When we bring up this pattern to our coaching clients, almost every single one of them agrees that is how they were raised.
Overcoming this cultural norm takes courage, especially when people know that what they have to say won’t be well received or might even hurt someone’s feelings. Avoiding these conversations is much easier. Many assume it is better to keep the peace. But when you are part of a company’s executive team, you must speak up and bring the tough topics to the table.
Recently, I was coaching a newly promoted SVP of Client Account Management. The new leader was taking over for an EVP who had been in the role for years and was planning to retire shortly. In these kinds of scenarios, we usually start by getting input from the boss on the client’s leadership skills and development needs. As the coach, I sit down with the boss and the client to have a candid conversation.
In this case, however, the EVP wasn’t open to have a three-way conversation. She had been able to deliver a successful career avoiding any direct communications that she thought would be uncomfortable, so she didn’t want to speak about the SVP’s development needs in front of the SVP. The two had a solid working relationship. They liked and respected each other and both understood the EVP’s pattern of avoiding direct conversations.
Since the EVP was retiring, I accommodated her request and played the role of intermediary. The EVP and I had a separate meeting, I took copious notes which the EVP then edited to fit her point of view. I then shared them separately with the SVP.
Facilitating Honest Conversations On Your Leadership Team
While the multiple step communication worked for the EVP and the SVP, this scenario is not ideal. If the two had had to continue working together, I would have encouraged the EVP to participate in the conversation.
In a normal coaching engagement, we would use these instances as learning opportunities for everyone to practice having have a direct dialogue. Having the coach present helps deal with the “rough edges” and the participants come to understand that these types of conversations – when conducted well – are incredibly productive. They don’t need to fear or avoid them.
Are the leaders on your executive team avoiding open and honest conversations? Let’s discuss how to help your executive team embrace healthy conflict.
